


Regretful Lies

by Gamesofshadows (kuroikitsu)



Series: Stolen Hearts [1]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Slavery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-16 04:02:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2255166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroikitsu/pseuds/Gamesofshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Some things will always be lies no matter how much we wish them otherwise.   Although we may be able to deceive others, it is impossible to convincingly lie to yourself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Regretful Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive the first person. It's not my expertise as an author and I really just did a readthrough for spelling errors. One day I'll go through and truly edit it or get a beta lol.

Bakura's determination was a terrible thing to underestimate. I knew this; as did Yami, Jounouchi, and everyone else. It was a painful lesson, learned through betting souls in the Shadow Realm. To tell the truth, it was only pure luck that we weren't hurt. Despite this, we underestimated the Egyptian albino yet again. In fact, the only one who hadn't was Marik. The two darks hated each other, but they were logical enough to realize that fighting each other got nothing done.

It's been four years since they teamed up and came back form the shadows Yami banished them to. Bakura got what he wanted in the end. He found a way to separate the lights from their darks. He didn't bother to give my dark a body like he did for himself and Marik. Instead, he cursed him. Without a physical link to our realm, I had to watch his spirit slowly disintegrate into nothing. Every day he faded more and more and, at times, he couldn't hide the painful grimaces as if staying here wore on him.

…When I earned permission to talk, I asked Bakura why he did that to Yami instead of just killing him like he wanted to. Bakura merely smirked and told me that it was "insurance". He never said anymore about it and I had known well enough not to ask anymore questions until I had "earned" my answers through good behavior. Though, if I had to guess, I would think it was to make sure my Yami never reached the afterlife he deserved. Resting in peace and fading from existence entirely are two different things after all.

Bakura only wanted the millennium items to extract his revenge on Yami. Once the ex-pharaoh was out of the way, he had no use for them just as he had told Malik years ago. With Marik keeping the rest of the gang busy, Bakura had been able to take my Yami away from me. The rest was simple. Bakura tossed the Ring and the Puzzle to Marik and told him that the rest was his problem.  
Marik was content with these terms. He had only wanted Bakura's help to get him out of the shadow realm. I'll never know exactly how they struck the deal between them. The last time I had seen either of them, both Marik and Bakura were determined to take down Yami themselves. Infact, they probably helped save Yami because they would fight each other trying to fight Yami.

At first, Bakura seemed content watching on the sidelines. Yami was– had been the hero. Everyone fought him because out of all of us, he could survive in the shadow realm the best (he had been imprisioned there for 5000 years), he was the strongest, and it was expected. Proper. No one really paid attention to the rest of us. At first, before he began to fade- it was nice to be the focus for once. Instead of being pushed to the back of our mind, giving suggestions that I could only hope he heard, I was the one with choices. Before I noticed his pain, I didn't mind it at all. I could still hear him whisper advice in my ear and most of the time I took it. It was my choice to. But the first time I noticed I couldn't see him as clearly as I had the day before… the first time I noticed the pained wince, I would have given anything to have him back in control of our body again. I could stand being background if I didn't lose him.

I… I lost him anyway.

The struggle of just sticking with me during normal everyday life was already causing him to fade from existence but he had no where to go. Being dragged to the shadow realm in multiple duels only hurt him more. The realm seemed to both make him stronger and weaken him. Part of his spirit recognized it, like he belonged there. I could see him a tiny bit clearer when we were there. But leaving… it wore on him even more than just everyday life.

Some of us handled the realm better than others. Jou handled it the best. He still does. The last time I was able to contact him he could handle three shadow games without passing out and could almost summon the realm himself. Mentally Jou always was the strongest of us. I'm not surprised. Mai is second best. She can do more duels than Jou, three only wear her out- or so I was told, but she can't even attempt to summon the shadows. Tristan can only survive one duel and Serenity can't seem to get back and forth without passing out. I can sympathize with her. I still get dizzy just going back and forth. There is no way I can last an entire duel.

When we were fighting Marik, as he slowly tried to gain control of the planet, we were almost able to defeat him a few times. Mostly through Malik. For as violent as Marik was towards him, Marik never truly risked hurting Malik. Not in the soul where the pain was irreparable. It was always Bakura who interfered.  
Sometimes, watching Bakura and Marik, one could almost think of them as comrades. They shared similar enough attitudes and seemed unwilling to let anything hinder the other, even if it does nothing to further their own goals. I will never know for certain how they feel towards one another. Bakura has stated that he hates Marik more than he ever has before. That he has become weak and Bakura merely babysits him because he hated to see hard work wasted. After that, I was forbidden to speak of it again. Not in words. Very few of Bakura's demands come in words, almost as if it is a mark of pride to force me to both read his mind and follow his every demand.

Of course, Marik had to pay the price for Bakura's occasional help. Bakura was actually a relatively easy man to please, if one had what he desired. When Marik took over, he did. He granted Bakura a small kingdom, if one could call the United States small. It wasn't what he actually wanted though. Atleast, not all that he wanted. Bakura would have preferred the freedom of roaming freely in Marik's world, but Marik couldn't allow that.

After arranging an entire planet into the order he wanted, he wouldn't risk Bakura ruining it. If Bakura had his own responsibilites, he wouldn't have the time to randomly ruin things in Marik's kingdom.

Marik was rather obsessed with his control. Despite ruling an entire planet, he did a rather good job of enforcing his rules. Although, I feel like he became the planetary ruler more for the control it gives him than the desire to change much. Marik taking over was a bit like having a new government. Other than getting rid of money, Marik isn't much different than other governments to most people.

At some point, Bakura grew tired of playing Marik's game. He demanded his prize. Marik knew what he wanted.

I still clearly remember the smirk that crossed Marik's face when Bakura had said that. It was creepier than some of the expressions he had when he lost control of the Shadow Magic that used to help him maintain control over Malik's body. Malik himself visibly shuddered, throwing his gaze down at the floor in front of him.

Instead of the floor, I looked at Malik. I had been forbidden from looking down. There was a time when I defied Marik's rules but I had grown tired of the nightmares. If it is a minor infraction, he only forces me to rewatch my Yami fade from me at night. The worse I disobey the more painful the separation is.  
In the last dream, Yami had called out to me. Clearly called my name, begging for my help. My dark had never been one to beg. And all I had done was stood there and watched. His leaving (I couldn't bear to call it that other word) was all my fault. …I haven't disobeyed a command since then.

"What are you willing to give me for him?" Marik demanded calmly. I could hear the laughter in his tone, mocking condescension. Despite his question, this was not going to be a negotiation. If Bakura truly wanted whatever Marik believed he wanted, he was going to have to get Marik whatever he desired.

"Damn you Marik." Bakura growled.

Marik continued, as if he had never waited for Bakura's response. "I do still need a general. Someone who has the time to waste, destroying that petty resistance."

I felt my heart leap into my throat. Jou. When he ran, he talked about arranging a resistance. Malik and I tried to shush him, as Marik had ears everywhere, when he asked us if we would come with him. To this day, I do not know why Jou and I were allowed rooms in the castle Marik built rather than in the serving quarters. Malik I understood. Despite the darkness that ruled him, Marik cared for his light and would sometimes ruin his orderly control to arrange a system that Malik seemed to prefer. I never understood why I or Jou was there.

Jou ran. He couldn't stand sitting in those glided rooms all day while everyone else suffered. We had our own pain and suffering, but we were far from the worst off. Jounouchi never could stand to watch another suffer.

At the time, that was the first I had heard of Jou since he left. Thinking back on it now, it is almost as if Marik wanted him to escape. Complete rule is not fun with no one to challenge it. At the time though, I was so happy that Jounouchi had managed to escape. So happy, that I forgot the actual topic of conversation.

"Tch." Bakura snorted. "Fine. I'll have them destroyed before the end of the week."

"No, please-" My mouth opened before I had the chance to think of what I was doing. Then again, after loosing my loving dark, I had just found out that the best friend whom I thought I would have to mourn was alive. I wasn't thinking clearly- if at all. Still, once I couldn't find it in myself to retract my plea now that it had left my lips.

Marik however, did not punish me at all. He merely sat up, no longer lounging, but still comfortable. He grabbed the end of my chain. It was almost effortless, the way he tossed my chain in Bakura's direction, hard enough that I fell, following the metal. Malik had a leash as well, as we were both Marik's pets. Only mine was metal though. Perhaps Marik thought he needed a tighter grip on me or maybe it was reminiscent of when I carried the puzzle on a chain. He never told me. "Punish him however you like. He's yours." Marik told him benignly, as if he had done both Bakura and myself a great service. Still, there was something that still seemed off, as if he knew that was false as much as we did.

Bakura did not bother reaching for my leash. Instead he turned and left. It wasn't until a few moments later when Marik began laughing, that loud harsh sound that I had heard far too often, that I realized that I should have followed Bakura. I was lucky- he hadn't gone too far. He probably realized that I only knew Marik's rules. Having a new "owner" meant that everything would have to be a new learning experience.

Bakura didn't care if I called him master or not. Marik had. It was something I used to get punished for often in the beginning, and later on because I would think aloud and I refused to call him master in my thoughts. It seemed like giving up too much of myself and my freedom to do so.

Bakura wanted me because I looked like my Yami. I can not honestly blame him. I spent hours looking in the mirror, waiting for Yami to come back and take over. Every day my body looks a little bit more like his did. Bakura had me do enough random chores that my muscles are building up. And I started to grow a little taller. It wasn't much, maybe a centimeter a year or so, but it was enough to make me no longer look like such a child.

At first, I was Yami's replacement. It was my job to suffer under Bakura's hands in the way Yami's spirit could not. Fading away had left him untouchable and Bakura could not see the way he suffered as he was slowly torn away from me. The first year I was hear I constantly heard about how Yami could not have possibly felt pain. He had no body to feel pain with.

Bakura was wrong. A soul can feel pain just as deeply as any flesh. Perhaps moreso.

After that first year though, things began to change. Perhaps it was because I was the first person who was actually around that long. Ryou hadn't even stayed. I'm not sure if he went to find his father, join the Resistance, or both, but his name is a forbidden topic in Bakura's land.

…I don't know what would happen to him if he came back.

I don't think he will. In Bakura's softer moments, which he has more of now, he'll mention that Ryou and I have the same eyes. No matter how tall I grow or how much I begin to look like Yami, I will always have an innocence in my eyes that he can never accomplish.

Those words are usually accompanied by a hand brushing my cheek. The touch is soft, though his hands are calloused and if the situation was different… I would probably thrive under how soft the hardened thief could be.

Lips brush against my ear. I tilt my head into the gesture, as it expected of me. It's not a tedious gesture- Bakura is much gentler with me now than he used to be. And he never touched me roughly in a sexual manner. So returning his touches wasn't hard, just conscious. It was never like it should be with lovers, who draw closer because they can't help but do so. They want to be closer. I move closer to him because I am expected to and there is no need to disappoint a master who does not abuse you.

"You are never going to leave." Bakura whispered in my ear. It was as much a question as it was a command. He had removed my chain years ago so that only the collar remained. I wore collars for so long that on me they never really seemed possessive.

"Never." I told him, nuzzling his neck as I felt him kissing where my jaw line met my ear. His hands seemed emboldened by this statement, wandering under my clothes before removing them from my body completely.

Bakura has always been very efficient at undressing both of us. Even with me consciously responding to his every move, I'm still not quite certain how he got both of our clothes off and got us to the bed. We weren't even in the bedroom before.

A lubed finger probes my entrance and my squirming is not conscious at all. This part is always strange, feeling cold wet fingers going into my ass. Still, Bakura knows what he's doing and he knows it well. Despite the discomfort, my body still becomes laden with desire. I know what's coming next and physically, I want it.

Bakura plunges in quickly, not giving my body time to tense before he gets all the way in. Once in though… he stops completely, giving me as much time to adjust as I need. I don't take long, bucking my hips to bury him further in.  
He listens to my silent demand, pulling out and thrusting back in at a steady pace that we had perfected over a year ago. "Yugi… Yugi…" he repeats in my ear over and over and over again.

It had taken me months to figure out what he wanted me to say. Words during sex were hard for me, so contemplating what I was supposed to say made it even worse. But once I had figured it out the first time, and said it the first time, it became easier. Maybe not the second or third time, but by the hundredth, the words flew out of my mouth as easily as the moans fell from my lips. "I love you, Bakura! I love you…"

He came then, right in me as I said that. It was as if that was all he needed. Bakura's hand reached around, pumping me to completion as well. As I lay there panting, trying to catch my breath, Bakura kissed me. It was as soft and gentle as the hand against my cheek was earlier. It was sweet and caring and everything that a lover's kiss could be.

I smiled back at him in response. Inside though, my blood felt cold. Bakura did not treat me badly. Even when I was Yami's replacement I was not horribly abused or beaten. I was mostly a sounding board to hear his rants and the pains he had gone though and though it was sometimes illustrated physically it was like Bakura had always realized hurting me would to nothing for his revenge.

Suddenly, it didn't feel good anymore. Physical release was not enough. Bakura tried so hard for me and though he never said the words, what he felt was real. Why couldn't I have been a victim of Stockholm syndrome? I felt the tears pricking my eyes and tried to force them back. The lies weren't enough for me anymore but there was no need to let Bakura know.

Bakura could feel my shoulder's trembling though. "What's wrong?" he asked, his voice deep and slow, and laiden with genuine concern. It wasn't obvious but it was there if one knew what to look for.

I shook my head. Right now it was important that Bakura did not know the truth. More important than it had ever been before. Not for him, but for me. "I-I, I love you…" I choked on the words. Saying them now was harder than it had ever been before, perhaps because I wanted to say it without being prompted. Forcing that lie from my lips was painful though.

It was worth the effort once it was out though. The pain that lie caused was worth the small almost smile on Bakura's face, still much more of a smirk than a smile, and the way his eyes softened. There was another kiss, chaste against my lips. It was both a response and an apology for not being able to say that response.

I lied again, saying those words again and again. Hoping that if I said them enough, I would be able to believe them and that finally, one day, perhaps it could be true.

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who did read this on ffn, I switched the names because they fit so much better this way. Seriously.


End file.
